arbitrary ruminations

how can it be that i am the most relaxed and happy depressed person i know! my new little business is doing well, i love what i do, my children are basically healthy except for a stitch or 8 and cavities and such, my house is cute and warm, the days are sunny and brisk, i have a sweet delicious companion who loves me and snuggles me most perfectly, i have good friends and dear family and....even as this damn holiday approaches that i loathe, this year i have less scrooginess than ever before.

BUT

for some reason i cant shake a feeling of deep sadness tinged with a faintness of dread and uncertainty? what is it? i can not explain it. crying is my new hobby.

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
-Anais Nin

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