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Monday, October 20, 2008
old habits die hard...
10:16 AM
i used to be a smoker, years ago. i was never a "pack-a-day" kind of smoker but i did smoke daily. in the beginning of quitting, there was this constant nagging and craving and after awhile the feelings of crazy-need began to space out, slowly. really, its exactly like ending a relationship. i remember the first time i realized..."wow, i went alllll day yesterday and didn't think about having a cigarette even once!" vis a vis "hmmm, i havent thought of calling so-and-so all day!" AND it was always hardest when: even after being quit for months, i would do something that i hadn't done since the days of smoke, like camping. i went camping. it was the first time in a year and i hadn't puffed on a cigarette in a long time. sitting by the fire, i could feel the urge, the pull... i do the the same thing with past love. when i go somewhere or eat something or feel the sun on my face in the coolness of fall, whatever. these sensations stir up feelings from my past. when a relationship is over, its just like not smoking anymore. you still crave it even when you know it isnt healthy! 3 Comments |
