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Saturday, August 16, 2008
if you have to ask then you don't need to know.
10:38 AM
the typing of this post is with great difficulty. even my fingers are sore. remember i went to the gym yesterday to ensure that i would not have to give up my iphone to chelsea? well, i had a trainer and the devil said to him...."kick her ass!" and thus the trainer proceeded to do just such. i hung in pretty well for quite some time....um maybe 45 minutes (read as, 20 minutes) and then i had to tell him i didnt feel so good so i could take a break. i sat and waited for the nausea to pass. it did not. it grew stronger and then i had to excuse myself to the bathroom where i hugged a public toilet for some time and arose with diamondplate patterns in both legs. thats some hard core flooring! we called it a day and wearily i stumbled in the front door of my house where i laid fully drenched in sweat on my clean sheets until i could breath again. but really...i'm mostly in great shape. ha except now. today. i cannot move. at. all. i think something is broken. last night was all around good fun though!! vicky spray turned 50 and had a big ole party! she is the creator of "healing night" which is a regular gathering for women to showcase art/writing/stage performances inspired by the process of healing from any form of interpersonal violence or abuse. and so this night was also a fund raiser. there was a band, the infamous bedhead betty. there was food, the whole room smelled like pork...ew! there was a crowd the likes of which the legion hall has never seen. there was a silent auction. there were lots of gay women. there were many long lost friends. there was a bar. dancing. karen, amanda and i! amanda almost backed out. she texted me and said she had cramps so bad that she was ready to pull her uterus out with kitchen tongs. i told her to just come, bring the tongs and i would help her! she did come AND she brought the kitchen tongs. so of course karen and amanda and i discussed the possibility of snatching out the uterus. we were standing near the auction table when karen reached over, picked up a "spa mate" and poked me with it. well if you are someone who knows anything about anything, you know that a "spa mate" or "personal massager" is really just a not so discrete way of saying vibrator. it's the reason they can get away with selling sex toys in the skymall catalog. and then the idea struck (i think it was karen's but i'll take credit for it here.) I thought it would be funny to put the tongs with the "spa mate" and the sex kit it came with. just to baffle a few! karen decided she was gonna stand near by and if anyone asked, "what the hell is that for?" she was just gonna say..."well, if you have to ask then really, you just don't need to know." 2 Comments |
