- it is 9:30 am and i have already eaten the lunch i brought to work with me today.

- since the season change, the sun is shining so harshly in through the window of my office, that i am wearing shades at my desk. have ordered the black out curtains....why the hell is it taking so long to get here?

- my baby birds have learned to fly and found their way out through the dog door and into the world. funniest thing: when they were learning to fly, i watched a baby bird fly into the glass of my dining room window, fall down onto the sill and since they are sloped, the little half bald thing did  a scramble scramble struggle to stay up but slid and landed on the ground. it was fine....i laughed! maybe this is an analogy for our lives right now.

- my improved ability to communicate and pay attention to what is going on with me has made me ultra raw and sensitive. and i'm not saying anybody needs to walk on eggshells but just be prepared. i could snap and hand you your head on a platter although i will try to do it with a smile.

- we leave for germany in 3 days. raven's school thinks it will be good. an educational experience better than classroom skills. chelsea.....well we are going to germany because of a family emergency! lucky my name i have zee german name that i do. it is so convincing.

- thank you all for your supportive and kind words through this business with my girls. i fear it is not over but maybe, just maybe i can be less sideswiped next time by remaining alert. i dont know that trust can be earned back in full at this point. some degree of freedom is necessary but their brains are clearly gelatinous at this age and there is no hope for wise choices until things begin to solidify. vigilance is key!

- beyond what is going on with the girls, my heart is aching for the super cute drummer girl. we are kaput and although i know there were major incompatibilities and this is for the best, i love her so and miss her greatly. it hurts. when does that feeling go away?